Five Symptoms That Your Marriage Needs Urgent Help

Adapted from The Seven Principles that make Marriage Work by John M Gottman  Read NOW to see if your relationship  suffers from the Five Symptoms That Your Marriage Needs Urgent Help

Arguing or even anger in of itself is NOT a predictor of marriage break-up. It depends HOW you argue.

The following are five signs that your marriage needs urgent resuscitation and renewal:

1. Harsh Start Up

When a discussion leads off with criticism and/or sarcasm (whether in a quiet voice or an aggressive one) it is doomed to failure. Even if attempts are made to “make nice” in between. 96 % of the time you can predict the outcome of a discussion in the first three minutes.

2. “Four Horseman of the Apocalypse”

Criticism (There is a huge difference between complaint and a criticism)

Contempt (Fuelled by long simmering negative thoughts about partner .e.g. demeaning , and is close cousin to belligerence)

Defensiveness

Stonewalling

3. Flooding

This further complicates the communication. Shutting down as or feeling overwhelmed
All of these behaviours are reflected in body language and have a physiological outworking (especially flooding which is physically distressing as your body goes into overdrive and your ability to process information is reduced-no chance of creative problem solving). Research shows that men are biologically more easily overwhelmed by marital conflict then their wives.

4. Failed Repair Attempts

Repair Attempts can save marriages because they decrease tension and also prevent your heart racing and feeling flooded.

In unhappy marriages a negative feedback loop develops between the four horseman and the failure of repair attempts. (the verbal white flags don’t get noticed.)

5. Bad Memories

When couples have become deeply entrenched in a negative view of their spouse and the marriage- history gets rewritten for the worse OR the past has become so painful or unimportant that it fades away (one or both has given up on the marriage)

Some people leave a marriage by divorcing others do so by leading parallel, lonely lives (one or both has already emotionally disengaged from the relationship).
An affair is usually the symptom of a dying marriage not the cause.

A Simple Yet Powerful truth: Happily married couples have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other from overwhelming the positive ones!

Download Marriage Killers to avoid the Five Symptoms That Your Marriage Needs Urgent Help